The Reality Of It

When someone says things like, "I'll never do that to you..you're my friend and I respect your opinion." Sho nuff I take what they say into consideration but I really don't believe them. I'll really know if they were true when the time comes. Kinda like when Peter denied Jesus 3 times during his trial. It's funny cause once I watched Passion of the Christ for like the 5th time, I realize that the exact same reasons ppl turn on each other now are the exact same reasons why the disciples turned on Jesus back then whether it be money, not wanting to stand trial with the person u were "supposed" to be down with, or jus not staying true till the end. To sum it all up, I'll believe what u say cause u said it but we'll see if u follow through when judgment day comes...that's why I have only one True friend. Now that doesn't mean I don't love all my ppls, its jus that so far he has passed all trials..peace.

Enough said

Here and Now..

I have a bad habit of holding back my real feelings to keep in good standards with some ppl. That shit is a big burden on your chest when u don't say what u feel to the fullest extent. I felt so incomplete. Not anymore though. From this day forward I'm not holding my tongue for nobody. I vow to say what I feel whether its right or wrong to whoever it may concern. A forewarning, don't come at me wit no dumb shit, don't make a dumb ass move, and for damn sure don't ask me how I feel about certain shit unless u want the honest to Zeus truth.

Another Fallen Leaf..

Listening to Butterfly Effect By Mr. Hamilton while I write this:

About 30 mins ago I got some disturbing news that my 2nd cousin Kim may not make it through the night. My mom is downstairs losing it cause that was her favorite cousin. I'm at a loss for words. What can I say that'll help the situation? Should I just keep my mouth shut and keep my faith? You see, my cousin was a very very religious woman. She doesn't watch T.V., doesn't wear pants..only long skirts that have to be below the knees, went to church 5 times a week. My mom used to ask her, "What is your religion?" She simply replied, "the church of God". Nothin more nothin less. At first I looked at my mom like she was crazy but I got to thinkin..remember on Passion of the Christ when ppl asked Jesus is he the son of God? All he really said was, "I am". I respect that to the fullest. There was no need to explain it, either u got it or u didn't. Hit or miss..plain and simple. Just like Jesus, my cousin didn't need to explain how deep her faith went, all she did was showed u the way if u were willing to learn . Damn I wish I was in Birmingham right now to bring you my Roses (on some Kanye shit). It's gonna be a good outcome regardless ya know? Either she lives for a lil bit longer or she lives forever..in my family's mind and in paradise being Heaven. I hate to see my mother hurt like this..I feel so helpless to her needs. I can only imagine how my Grandmother feels being in Birmingham without us there to soothe her pain. Even though all of our family is down there, its nothing like having the ppl she personally created there with her. If she does receive her wings tonight, I pray that she speaks to me in my dreams from time to time, enough so that I have vivid memories of it. Then again dreams are in my opinion real life. So I say that to say this, you'll never leave my mind. Even though we have different beliefs, we are the same. Once again I am lost...there's nothin like a lose in the family. It's almost like a crossroad in what direction we will go as a whole. But I know the answer..it's right in front of me. No right or left turns. Just straight ahead. Lord give my family the strength to get through this..especially her kids..David, Denetta, Dedra, and Dedric. I'm with yall all the way..besides..we family! Peace..

We are One

Favorite Color: Green..and for damn good reason


I read some where that the original man had a greenish skin tone of some sort, but due to the impurities of water and air we developed a "rust" colored skin tone thus giving us what is now known today as the black man; the original man. Now I don't know how true this is but it definitely had me thinking about some things. It took black people 100,000 to 200,000 years and life in the caucus mountains (thus the name Caucasians) to turn white. So why so much hate? Why don't people respect that fact that we deserve more for ourselves? When I say "we", I mean man. Ok, back to the topic at hand, your blood is blue. It stays blue until it hits the air, again "impurities" in the air. When that happens blood becomes red. So let's do the math. Green skin tone; Blood is blue. Earth; Green and Blue. Follow me?? Maybe we should take another look at ourselves and realize that we're connected with each other and to the earth more than we think..enough with the racism dammit. We are one.

Dreams..or maybe not.

About a month ago I had an epiphany of some sort lol. Don't u know when u have Deja Vu? It's kinda like u know whats about to happen and it almost plays out but it never does, or it does play out but not fully. Maybe it s parallel between real life and fantasy. Maybe when u dream it's really real life and real life is really a dream. Some nightmares can be crazy though, but so can life. Near death experiences, some sort of monster trying to kill you, or you being some sort of super hero saving the world lol. Of course there's not a real monster tryin to kill you but maybe it's a metaphor for the trials that you are or bound to go through soon. As far as being a super hero maybe that can mean you helping out a friend or just a random person in need either currently or in due time whether it be advice during or a conversation or a deeper situation in order to better yourself for the future. Maybe Deja Vu can be a crossroad to what u should do in the meantime in order to achieve a better outcome. Just like the dreams when u driving a very expensive car and have a big ass house somewhere on an island away from the world with just the people u love..well not maybe to that extend but u know what I mean lol. Maybe that can actually be achieved whether its in your dream or in real life..follow me? Dreams/Real Life? Scroll up and read again to understand what I mean. My mom says I need to quit smoking that "shit" but that's when the over thinking begins. I think I ponder on crazy thoughts when I'm high but it makes a lot of samn dense so it's not that crazy..to me anyway. So misunderstood I am. In my opinion, come to think about it, no one fully understands themselves till it's over. I know I'll never fully understand myself until the afterlife begins as I look back on it. Life is like a big classroom. Some days u sleep, some days u bullshit around,and some days u be on your P's and Q's. And no matter how much u study you'll never ace the test. There will always be mistakes and all u can do is recognize them and correct them, if you're given the chance. Jus make sure u don't make too many mistakes cause u might get kicked out the class..as in death. I love my classroom though. I wouldn't trade it for all the fame and fortune in the world. It's simply not enough. Enough of this..I gotta go live my dream (take care of business for today). With that said I can't wait to go to sleep tonight and live real life. Peace humans....

First Blog..lemme see how this works.

Seeing as though nobody may not ever read my blog I'll just spill it out as though its somewhat a diary. lol. Well I guess it is somewhat a diary just without a key and a lock. Any who, let me just list the things that caught my eye today as well as what I'm doin at the moment. Music: Maybelline by Charles Hamilton. This is a great song in my eye seeing as though I'm single..for the moment. To me it means no female can make me feel a certain way about them no matter how they feel about me. Meaning, if u feel like u love me and I jus wanna fuck, u can't make me fall in love with you. It's all up to me. And with that said, Charles Hamilton is one of the hottest hip-hop artists in the game right now. His music is very influential as well as great lol. I'm always tryin to put ppl on his music..it's very refreshing. Damn I wish I could rap. I have so many thoughts running through my mind..well maybe I can rap..if I write. I waste so much time tryin to freestyle its ridiculous. I suck so bad lol. HAMILTON GIMME SOME HINTS!! On a different note I saw those Rihanna pics on mediatakeout.com today. I think its a lil fabricated. I'm sure he didn't do her that bad. By all means I'm not a woman beater but in some cases a female gotta learn her lesson. Maybe a push..maybe even a slap. Maybe. I jus hope that I find a woman who doesn't give me a reason to get to that point...soon enough. I jus hope they get through that rumpus.